So, I have a great new idea.
I really can’t believe no one has thought of this yet. It solves 3 ginormous problems simultaneously: How to help the Americans, during an election year, claim a quick Mideast victory; how to streamline how journalists here can gather up that pesky research on casualties etc that Hamas currently dishes out; and finally, how Israel can quickly take the path to end the war, by eliminating all of Hamas!
Here’s what I’m thinking.
Turns out, the world is now pissed off because Israel has been targeting and killing Hamas terrorists *who happen to hold other positions*! How unreasonable!
Rather than feting them, Israel is *penalizing* these overachieving multitaskers who hold down another job along with their Hamas responsibilities!
First, it was humanitarian aid workers for UNWRA, who *just happened to also be Hamas terrorists* who may have participated in the October 7 massacres and other extracurriculars. But that was part-time! They were also aid workers! Not just Hamas! And we didn’t reward their industriousness.
This week it was Doctors Without Borders. Israel had the unmitigated chutzpah to eliminate Doctors Without Borders physical therapist Fadi Al-Wadiya, just because he was a Hamas militant en route to more military training in Iran. But that wasn’t all he did, he also did the physical therapy thing. So how unfair of the Israelis to target him.
https://www.israelnationalnews.com/news/392173
https://m.jpost.com/breaking-news/article-807770
But throughout the war, it has mostly been the journalists that folks have complained about. It was a journalist and his family, for example, who was holding Noa Argamani hostage in Gaza; the journalist was killed by Israeli forces when Noa was rescued, even though the Hamas hospitality suite was really only this guy’s side hustle.
(If you missed it, read my take on the hostage rescue here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/fernmusing/p/war-day-247-israels-breathtaking )
There were, of course, also the journalists who were invited into Israel, accompanied by Hamas, on October 7 for the massacre. Some of those folk were actual civilian journalists, not Hamas themselves. (Some of their *best friends* were Hamas.)
But a lot of journalists-with-missiles and actual Hamas creds have been targeted, and the world says it’s unfair of Israel to target working journalists. Those people work hard! Harder, if they’re housing hostages and schlepping missiles around. We need to cut them a break.
So here’s my idea:
Why not just issue all the remaining Hamas leaders and terrorists press cards?
It’s a win-win, really: The US can say Israel has won the war, because there are no more Hamas in Gaza now, just journalists, and that solves the little U.S. presidential election problem.
The bar for Mideast journalism has gotten so low recently that a bunch of Hamas terrorists in the press pool won’t make a difference: In fact, they can make up statistics like the number of buildings and amount of infrastructure destroyed (16%, it turns out, rather than the 50-70% the UN was claiming and the press were reporting) and the Gazan casualty numbers (maybe one-third as many as reported) directly, without having to do any research through the Hamas Health Ministry folk, and it will all be just as wrong as it’s been through this war anyway. Time-saver!
Finally, if you make all the terrorists journalists, it means there won’t be any Hamas terrorists left in Gaza: They’ll all be journalists! Israel has won the war, and eliminated all the Hamas terrorist, yippee!
(Of course, the next time we have a war with Gaza, Israel will kill only civilians, because there won’t be any Hamas terrorists, just journalists. That might be a problem. We’ll worry about it next war.)
Gaza will be the only country in the world with 100% journalists per capita. Just think of the union possibilities!
It’s a wonder Hamas didn’t think of this idea sooner.
Write and let me know what you think.
Shabbat shalom, everyone. May it be a peaceful one.